I fondled a Nintendo 3DS and I kind of liked it

First up, the analogue thumbstick is ace, really really nice. Perfect in fact. The 3D effect is pronounced but totally depends on the game. Zelda looked fantastic for instance, but I'm really not that convinced about Resident Evil Mercinaries or Kid Icarus. Resident Evil felt very restricted by only having one analogue stick (as lovely to fondle as it was), and Kid Icarus needed you to hold the left shoulder button to rotate the camera but I found it really annoying. I suspect if I played it for a bit longer without some bimbo telling me to go and try the shitty AR games that no one was looking at that I'd have got to grips with it.

The 3D effect really struck me during Nintendogs + Cats when my puppy jumped out the screen at me for attention. It really worked and I believed what I was seeing.

The tilt thing is a waste of time though. The minute you tilt the machine on any axis , it falls out of the 3D sweet spot and it looks stupid. Your eyes tend to get strained at this point too, I got a sore head playing Monkey Ball within minutes.

Most AR Games looked shite because again they involved tilting the controller which kept losing me the 3D effect. Maybe you'd get used to how to move it and still stay in the sweet spot but it was very offputting. I liked one game where you had to point the camera at a card to kick off the Augmented Reality. Certain parts of the game required you to walk around the object (for example to shoot a target on the back of the large dragon enemy I was fighting). It added an extra 3D element to it, I can imagine doing that in a Zelda game and it being quite fun. The AR games which involved tilting the console just looked rubbish and gave me a sore head.

I didn't get a chance to play Pilotwings (never saw it on any of the 30 or 40 odd demo-machines, but I think it would be great.

So would I buy one? Well I have one pre-ordered anyway, but I will probably keep it if I can at least get Pilotwings or Zelda on release day. I think there's a lot to come from the console, particularly what they decide to do with the 3D camera for pics and videos. I'm pissed off that Nintendo have pulled back a few heavy hitting titles from the launch to help 3rd party sales - this reeks of the travesty that was the Gamecube.

Bayonetta Alfheim #12 - Use Torture Attacks

This was an absolute bastard so on the off chance you're googling for this, here's how to do it:

If only I'd realised that Torture Attacks are done by levelling up your magic before I'd finished it on both Normal and Hard modes I might have got this done a bit quicker!

If I you want to complete this easily, equipp the Gaze of Despair (which makes everyone angry and gives you stronger combos and thus more magic points) and the Moon of Mahaa Kalaa (bursting into Witch Time using this gives you big combo points too) to level up your magic so much faster!

After some practise, you should get 3 Torture Attacks from the first 3 enemies, then at least 2 from the flying dudes. Then just fight till the end once you get 5!

 

Driving is shit

I think I've just had enough of driving. I hate being forced to drive at a ridiculously low speed by average speed cameras, which ensure I spend most of my commute staring more at my speedo than I do the road. I actually pay to drive on roads which are so poorly maintained that if the speed bumps don't slowly destroy the steering rack and suspension then the pot-holes will.

During winter any so called sports car is rendered useless on roads covered in the residue from grit put down for a snow which thawed weeks before. Driving any manual car now is guaranteed to give you a hernia, such is the volume of traffic each day and number of gearchanges required from 1st to 2nd and back again.

Hidden cameras on motorway bridges mean even if you do find a quiet road, that around every kink on it is a scamera van. These are placed there by a 'partnership' (police) who know where all the good stretches on which you could potentially make up some time from the congestion and average speed cameras earlier in your journey. It's a relentless war on the motorist.

Not content on a pay as you go tax for fuel at the modest rate of 90%, the government also has us pay a fixed price tax for our vehicles which classes anything over a 1.8 as a gas guzzler. Pretty soon anything over a 1.8 will cost at leat 500 quid a year to tax.

The TV show which once reminded us of why we love driving so much is now met each week it broadcasts with almost universal bile from ecomentalists, who have slowly begun to make our passtime as unpleasant and socially unacceptable as smoking or not bringing a bag for life at the supermarket.

I just don't enjoy driving any more. I do for maybe 5 or 6 days a year during summer when I have the time to enjoy a drive to the highlands or the borders. But is it worth paying over 500 quid a month to run a sportscar all year round? I think no.

If I didn't work just out of town I would gladly hand my license back out of protest. The government and the ecomentalists have won, and I have given up trying to pretend otherwise.

Knight Rider 2008

Who else is watching it? I am. And I know full well that it's complete shit. But the lead actor is handsome and watchable, there are lots of hot bitches with their titties out a wee bit, and KITT is a shiny Mustang GT500 which I am secretly planning to replace the Elise with.

The rawk theme tune makes me want to punch someone in the face it's so good, and it makes me feel like the excitable wee boy I am 99% of the time when I watch it.

Yes the plot and dialogue are horrific, but with images and a theme tune that sumptuous to digest, who cares. It may be dumb, but at least it doesn't have a phone vote for who has the most disabled siblings, dead mums, and grandads with the least lymbs most amounts of cancerous lumps in their body and dependent children to make you cry into your Iceland Chicken Biryani (one pound).

Showering while drunk

Why does it feel so wrong? It's like watching a cow walk down stairs backwards, or deliberately trying to piss yourself. You don't want to do it, because it feels against nature.

But why does going in the shower drunk feel so wrong though? It's awful; it's almost like you are temporarily drenched in the grief you'd get with the death of a loved one. All the nice things about a shower go away, like the heat and pressure from the water running in a loving trickle down your neck and the steam making you feel all clean and nice. All those things are gone.

Instead you're left standing naked whilst it feels like lots of tar-covered orks from Lord of the Rings rub you down with dirty brushes whilst mocking your genitalia. Try it sometime. You'll know exactly what I mean.

It's the 26th June

Must be my birthday today then!

Never woken up on my birthday with a hangover before. Someone has sent me a load of boxes from M&S so I'm hoping it's food supplies. My sister sent me a B.A. Barrachus t-shirt which is hella cool, and my cats clawed the hell out of my pants (which were on the floor) to get me out of bed.

It's a nice day so i think I'll jump in the Lotus and head for the countryside at warp speed. Out tomorrow in Prestwick so I better conserve my energy for that since I'm an old man now.

Just a thought, why do these f**king things in the Cadbury's Twisted adverts look like shites? Why on earth would you use something that looks like a shite to advertise a food product???

Heading back to the UK

Went to Pacific Beach today after work for a walk about in my shorts & t-shirt and flip flops, to go for a walk and grab some dinner. You just cannot describe the quality of women out here man, it's astonishing. Every stereotype is true. Girls in golden bikini tops and hotpants rollerblading along the shore, listening to their i-pods with a sun tan and T&A to die for.

I went to Hooters for my dinner which didn't help make me want to leave San Diego either.

I pimped myself out to the managers of both departments I've been out here working with, letting them know that if anything comes up, I'd like to be considered. They've been very postitive, so I live in hope.

I'm sitting here now, about to go out for a few pints and thinking about home. You know what I miss about home?

Fuck all...