Wii U first impressions

Hardware

I've never been particularly confused by a new console before, but even upon plugging in the Wii U it had me wondering. My first question was where is the optical audio output - there isn't one, so it's plain old DPLII for me until I buy another AV receiver. There are two power supplies, one for the console and one for the remote. I realised just how necessary that was this weekend when I had to charge it 4 times. The Gamepad has lots of potential but it also uses a lot of juice.

So you'd be better off using the Pro Controller instead then? It comes bundled at a fair old price with the ZombiU pack after all, but you can't use it with the game. Nor can you use it with New Super Mario Bros U, a game which is surely crying out for a traditional controller. I just don't get it - why bother releasing it? You can use a 5yr old Wii remote but you cant use the brand new Pro Controller that everyone is talking about. The Wii U Gamepad offers absolutely nothing in the main game and just replicates what you see on screen for the most part. I grudge using all that battery life when the Pro Controller would do just as good if not better a job. It's probably a better bit of kit than the XBox 360 controller so Nintendo need to get their act together and make sure their own software supports it.

The Gamepad is well built and the charging dock is a good idea, especially given the battery life, which is similar too if not a little better than a 3DS.

OS

I still not sure I understand the OS yet either. You don't seem to be able to control it at all from the Gamepad. You get a very nice looking wara wara plaza on the TV screen, but if you can't control from the Gamepad. You can switch it over to the Gamepad screen, but that puts the basic one on the big screen.  I could be wrong on this one but I just don't find any of this very intuitive.

Miiverse is a genuine innovation and could really add a lot to a game. It doesn't seem possible to filter comments/spoilers about the particular level you're on, which could come in really handy if you get stuck. There aren't any filter or search options but hopefully that'll come. The Web Browser and YouTube apps are the best I've seen on any console. These 3 apps are really well done. The eShop is really good too, nintendo's best effort to date. The pricing is shocking though, for its retail downloads. They need to find a way to match high street if not online retail pricing for it to be worthwhile. I'd love to download Nintendoland straight from the eShop but not for 50 quid!

Next up is the overscan setting. Bizarrely it's an option in the eShop and Miiverse but they haven't taken the obvious step of just doing it once in the OS's TV settings. The games themselves don't seem to suffer but the wara wara plaza look stupid as lots of elements are placed in the outer edges of the screen and therefor get cut off. Ive had my Pioneer HDTV for over 5yrs and have never had a problem with any HD device until Wii U came along. There doesn't seem to be a system wide option for this but hopefully like my other 2 concerns above, it shouldn't take much to fix this.

Games

I've only played two games so far - New Super Mario Bros Wii U and ZombiU.  ZombiU takes quite a while to get going and focuses more on survival horror creating a sense of foreboding.  It's much more about exploration and survival than a straight up zombie massacre like Left 4 Dead.  It works though, and the more you play it the better it gets.  The later missions like the Community Nursery are genuinely terrifying and put me in mind of Silent Hill.

New Super Mario Bros Wii U is gorgeous.  I never thought Mario in HD would look so good, but if his 2D outing is anything to go by, we are in for a treat when he next appears in 3D.  It's the usual side-scrolling stuff, but it does benefit from the addition of Miiverse.  The Gamepad is wasted by purely mirroring the onscreen action, no doubt leading to a lot of unnecessary battery drain.  I'd rather it just switched off to save battery life or presented something else onscreen instead.

Conclusion

I haven't fully got to know it yet but I know the Wii U going to do well and deliver me the kind of magical gaming experiences that only Nintendo can create. They just need to iron out the creases quickly before they put off too many people. I also hope they continue to develop the GUI the same way Microsoft have with their dashboard. Wii barely changed at all throughout its entire lifespan, but I don't think Nintendo can stand still again this time.

I fondled a Nintendo 3DS and I kind of liked it

First up, the analogue thumbstick is ace, really really nice. Perfect in fact. The 3D effect is pronounced but totally depends on the game. Zelda looked fantastic for instance, but I'm really not that convinced about Resident Evil Mercinaries or Kid Icarus. Resident Evil felt very restricted by only having one analogue stick (as lovely to fondle as it was), and Kid Icarus needed you to hold the left shoulder button to rotate the camera but I found it really annoying. I suspect if I played it for a bit longer without some bimbo telling me to go and try the shitty AR games that no one was looking at that I'd have got to grips with it.

The 3D effect really struck me during Nintendogs + Cats when my puppy jumped out the screen at me for attention. It really worked and I believed what I was seeing.

The tilt thing is a waste of time though. The minute you tilt the machine on any axis , it falls out of the 3D sweet spot and it looks stupid. Your eyes tend to get strained at this point too, I got a sore head playing Monkey Ball within minutes.

Most AR Games looked shite because again they involved tilting the controller which kept losing me the 3D effect. Maybe you'd get used to how to move it and still stay in the sweet spot but it was very offputting. I liked one game where you had to point the camera at a card to kick off the Augmented Reality. Certain parts of the game required you to walk around the object (for example to shoot a target on the back of the large dragon enemy I was fighting). It added an extra 3D element to it, I can imagine doing that in a Zelda game and it being quite fun. The AR games which involved tilting the console just looked rubbish and gave me a sore head.

I didn't get a chance to play Pilotwings (never saw it on any of the 30 or 40 odd demo-machines, but I think it would be great.

So would I buy one? Well I have one pre-ordered anyway, but I will probably keep it if I can at least get Pilotwings or Zelda on release day. I think there's a lot to come from the console, particularly what they decide to do with the 3D camera for pics and videos. I'm pissed off that Nintendo have pulled back a few heavy hitting titles from the launch to help 3rd party sales - this reeks of the travesty that was the Gamecube.

Bayonetta Alfheim #12 - Use Torture Attacks

This was an absolute bastard so on the off chance you're googling for this, here's how to do it:

If only I'd realised that Torture Attacks are done by levelling up your magic before I'd finished it on both Normal and Hard modes I might have got this done a bit quicker!

If I you want to complete this easily, equipp the Gaze of Despair (which makes everyone angry and gives you stronger combos and thus more magic points) and the Moon of Mahaa Kalaa (bursting into Witch Time using this gives you big combo points too) to level up your magic so much faster!

After some practise, you should get 3 Torture Attacks from the first 3 enemies, then at least 2 from the flying dudes. Then just fight till the end once you get 5!

 

Driving is shit

I think I've just had enough of driving. I hate being forced to drive at a ridiculously low speed by average speed cameras, which ensure I spend most of my commute staring more at my speedo than I do the road. I actually pay to drive on roads which are so poorly maintained that if the speed bumps don't slowly destroy the steering rack and suspension then the pot-holes will.

During winter any so called sports car is rendered useless on roads covered in the residue from grit put down for a snow which thawed weeks before. Driving any manual car now is guaranteed to give you a hernia, such is the volume of traffic each day and number of gearchanges required from 1st to 2nd and back again.

Hidden cameras on motorway bridges mean even if you do find a quiet road, that around every kink on it is a scamera van. These are placed there by a 'partnership' (police) who know where all the good stretches on which you could potentially make up some time from the congestion and average speed cameras earlier in your journey. It's a relentless war on the motorist.

Not content on a pay as you go tax for fuel at the modest rate of 90%, the government also has us pay a fixed price tax for our vehicles which classes anything over a 1.8 as a gas guzzler. Pretty soon anything over a 1.8 will cost at leat 500 quid a year to tax.

The TV show which once reminded us of why we love driving so much is now met each week it broadcasts with almost universal bile from ecomentalists, who have slowly begun to make our passtime as unpleasant and socially unacceptable as smoking or not bringing a bag for life at the supermarket.

I just don't enjoy driving any more. I do for maybe 5 or 6 days a year during summer when I have the time to enjoy a drive to the highlands or the borders. But is it worth paying over 500 quid a month to run a sportscar all year round? I think no.

If I didn't work just out of town I would gladly hand my license back out of protest. The government and the ecomentalists have won, and I have given up trying to pretend otherwise.

Knight Rider 2008

Who else is watching it? I am. And I know full well that it's complete shit. But the lead actor is handsome and watchable, there are lots of hot bitches with their titties out a wee bit, and KITT is a shiny Mustang GT500 which I am secretly planning to replace the Elise with.

The rawk theme tune makes me want to punch someone in the face it's so good, and it makes me feel like the excitable wee boy I am 99% of the time when I watch it.

Yes the plot and dialogue are horrific, but with images and a theme tune that sumptuous to digest, who cares. It may be dumb, but at least it doesn't have a phone vote for who has the most disabled siblings, dead mums, and grandads with the least lymbs most amounts of cancerous lumps in their body and dependent children to make you cry into your Iceland Chicken Biryani (one pound).

Showering while drunk

Why does it feel so wrong? It's like watching a cow walk down stairs backwards, or deliberately trying to piss yourself. You don't want to do it, because it feels against nature.

But why does going in the shower drunk feel so wrong though? It's awful; it's almost like you are temporarily drenched in the grief you'd get with the death of a loved one. All the nice things about a shower go away, like the heat and pressure from the water running in a loving trickle down your neck and the steam making you feel all clean and nice. All those things are gone.

Instead you're left standing naked whilst it feels like lots of tar-covered orks from Lord of the Rings rub you down with dirty brushes whilst mocking your genitalia. Try it sometime. You'll know exactly what I mean.

It's the 26th June

Must be my birthday today then!

Never woken up on my birthday with a hangover before. Someone has sent me a load of boxes from M&S so I'm hoping it's food supplies. My sister sent me a B.A. Barrachus t-shirt which is hella cool, and my cats clawed the hell out of my pants (which were on the floor) to get me out of bed.

It's a nice day so i think I'll jump in the Lotus and head for the countryside at warp speed. Out tomorrow in Prestwick so I better conserve my energy for that since I'm an old man now.

Just a thought, why do these f**king things in the Cadbury's Twisted adverts look like shites? Why on earth would you use something that looks like a shite to advertise a food product???