It's the 26th June

Must be my birthday today then!

Never woken up on my birthday with a hangover before. Someone has sent me a load of boxes from M&S so I'm hoping it's food supplies. My sister sent me a B.A. Barrachus t-shirt which is hella cool, and my cats clawed the hell out of my pants (which were on the floor) to get me out of bed.

It's a nice day so i think I'll jump in the Lotus and head for the countryside at warp speed. Out tomorrow in Prestwick so I better conserve my energy for that since I'm an old man now.

Just a thought, why do these f**king things in the Cadbury's Twisted adverts look like shites? Why on earth would you use something that looks like a shite to advertise a food product???

Heading back to the UK

Went to Pacific Beach today after work for a walk about in my shorts & t-shirt and flip flops, to go for a walk and grab some dinner. You just cannot describe the quality of women out here man, it's astonishing. Every stereotype is true. Girls in golden bikini tops and hotpants rollerblading along the shore, listening to their i-pods with a sun tan and T&A to die for.

I went to Hooters for my dinner which didn't help make me want to leave San Diego either.

I pimped myself out to the managers of both departments I've been out here working with, letting them know that if anything comes up, I'd like to be considered. They've been very postitive, so I live in hope.

I'm sitting here now, about to go out for a few pints and thinking about home. You know what I miss about home?

Fuck all...

That's Vegas done and dusted

I spent the first night at a party in a mansion that the Osbourne's would be proud of, met loads of people and everyone loved the accent and my disgusting stories. I also think I met that guy from Transformers who everybody fancies, and we were talking about UFC (basically a legal fight club). Then the next day we were in a car crash in desert heat and I was just so thankful the A/C was working. That night we went to the strip and ended up at New York New York for food and beer, then for some reason I drove us to a biker bar in the severely ghetto end of town. When I walked in I thought I had made a terrible mistake, as "bad to the bone" was playing and everyone turned round in horror at us all dressed up like we were going to a casino, but instead choosing to gatecrash a biker bar. But then I got talking to some crackheads, met some badass bikers who bought us drink all night, and a few hispanic gangsta's who looked like they were from Cypress Hill. They showed me their guns and then we went for a ride on the Harleys. At 4am. Drunk! I then got into the DJ booth, put on some hip hop stuff, had everyone in stitches at this Scottish bawbag doing the running man on the podium (got 2 girls and a couple of gangsta's to join in) then I did a spot of pole dancing. I've never been anywhere like it in my puff. I suppose like anything though, it's what you make of it. And I went to town! Pics will be ace once I get back to Jockland and plug my phone into the laptop.

Spewing from a moving vehicle

The drive to Vegas yesterday was horrible. It was the most hungover I've been in my life, and I had to keep getting Krystal to pull over and let me be sick. Eventually I just gave up asking her to pull over and spewed out the window and up the side of her car! I stopped being sick once we got to Death Valley, CA where we stopped for Taco Bell and all was well from then on. She has epillepsy and took a seizure when we were driving, that was not so good. We took off, smashed up 3 wheels and ended up on the opposite carriageway. Being mr cool I sorted it though. Anyhow back to the strip tonight where I will take lots of pictures and get drunk before my long bus journey back to San Diego tomorrow.

Birthday party?

I haven't had a birthday party ever, I don't think! So ok, 29 isn't exactly a milestone but I think I'll rustle up a posse of friends and have a party in Prestwick on the 27th. Fancy coming? Just holler! In other news, I think my life is slowly turning into Grand Theft Auto! "Take somewhere she would like". Finish date then "Press A to push your luck, press B to say goodnight". Whisk her about in a sports car and drive it like you stole it? Yeah that sounds about right!