Sunday 23 December 2007

Credit Crisis?

Doesn't anyone remember when you used to brick it sitting on the chair at the shop waiting on that dreaded credit check coming through on that primitive monochrome PC terminal? You used to have to pay your bills on time, have money in your account, and actually exist on the voters roll and stuff. Now someone called Mohammed Mohammed from Persia can get a loan for up to £25,000 and decide what he wants to spend it on later. It's a disaster.

Nothing is now unattainable, no one has to work at their dreams. The money is there, it's purported to have grown on trees, and if you can't pay it back, just check out the ads on Living TV after the ones about free money from Ocean Finance and you'll get some debt counsellors who'll tell you about the little known legislation that allows you to write it all off again. Brilliant...

It's all these adverts that really get me down. They usually feature fat, ugly or clearly retarded people with working class accents talking about how shit life was when they couldn't afford to go on holiday to the carribean (where them pirates come from that the kids like), decking for the back garden, or "sit on" lawnmowers (fit for Royal Troon) for the lawn of their ex local authority flat in Slough.

These abominations then go on about how it was dead easy to get a big loan, that there were no difficult forms to fill in (spelling their own name is no doubt a problem), or awkward questions about how they keep moving house every couple of months when the debt collectors come knocking on the door.

And when kids come to expect a PS3, an HDTV to play it on, the latest mobile phone, along with some shell suits and trainers each xmas, this trend looks set to continue until something gives way and common sense resumes. But has common sense gone out of fashion in 20th century Britain?

Sunday 16 December 2007

Tis the season to be ass-raped

I had a few things to get today so took the car to the petrol station for the usual 15 quid's worth (anything more in an 800kg sports car is officially a crime). That amounted to about 330ml of petrol though, when I looked at the facking price on the pump - a hundred and fourteen point one pence per litre! WTF, when did this happen? I normally don't care if it goes up a pence or two but fack me, what's that all about? The lassie behind the counter didn't even have the decency to wear a mask whilst she robbed me.

I then had to get a tree, as when I went the other day to B&Q they had sold out of the 20 quid ones. I went to Homebase first as it said on the telly that they had something called a 6ft Colorado Spruce for £9.99. Except the shop was bare and they had fack all.So I went to B&Q who had loads of stock, obviously knew Homebase were out, so set the tree that they were out of stock with last week at £19.99 set at fifty quid and that was the cheapest - next up was one for nearly £85! Out of principle I refused to give in, and left for some food.

I asked the woman at the checkout at M&S where I could get a tree, and she said Chavsda. I don't like going there as the speed bumps are horrid and the standard of parking from the Zafira and Picasso brigade is shocking. So I head to Tesco and find one for 18 quid.

My arse still hurts a little from the petrol robbery, but at least I didn't get humped again for a xmas tree...

Friday 9 November 2007

WTF is workahol?

As far as the media is concerned, if you work too hard you're a workaholic, if you like chocolate you're a chocaholic, and if you go down the shops more than once a week you're a shopaholic.

Now for all the fucking lazy cunts who came up with these stupid buzzwords, let me fill you in on a little secret. You're an alcoholic because you're addicted to alcohol. Workahol, chocahol, and shopahol do not exist - stop fucking saying it, okay?

Same goes for everything-gate. Watergate was a scandal involving events which took place in a hotel (funnily enough called the Watergate) in the US in the 70's. There was no gate on Jenson Button when he tried to worm out of his Williams contract in what became Button-gate. Likewise there was no gate involved on Britney's flange during Panty-gate.

You do not append the word gate to every scandal that comes along, nor do you stick the word "aholic" on the end of everything someone can be addicted to.

Wednesday 3 October 2007

My 360 is dead :-(

The 360 died the day Halo 3 got delivered. Bastard. Why couldn't it have gone last xmas when I spent all my time playing Zelda on the Wii? Why the very fucking day that the biggest release for the console arrives through my letterbox?

It's the fairly common 3 red lights of doom fault, and my machine conking out now means that everyone I know who has bought a launch machine has had it die on them.

Anyway, here's a youtube clip of my machine being dead for your viewing pleasure.